Effects of Social Media on Our Mindsets

Are you one of those people who spends hours on end just browsing through social media apps? Because I am. And since you probably stumbled across this blog post through a Facebook page, let me just assume that you do too.

The adults (in particular) of our generation seem to be hounding us to stop using our phones so much. I think, I hear the following phrases at least 5 times a day: ranging from “Put down your phone and go do something useful”, “stop wasting your time on Facebook and chatting” to even “One day, your fingers are going to become crippled and defunct from all those hours you waste on your phone.” Well, as much as we hate to admit it, these adults are right. We do waste A LOT of time on our phones. We often try to convince ourselves that we are tapping away on WhatsApp to keep up with our friends or scrolling through twitter to keep up with the world, but for the majority of the time all we are doing is straining our eyes to stare at an illuminated screen while our brain tries to process the shitload of (mostly) useless information we present to it. 

I am sure many of us can agree on the fact that the first thing we do when we wake up (maybe after brushing your teeth) is check our phones for notifications. The last thing we do before going to bed is browse through our phones. We sleep with our phones right next to us. Even when we are socializing or hanging out with our friends, it seems as though we struggle without our phones at arm’s reach. Because without our phones, we cannot document every single detail that is happening. Whether it is posting a cinematographic picture on Instagram or posting a video on snapchat, most of us feel the incessant need to document all the fun stuff happening to us. And for what reason? Sure maybe we just want to keep a make memories and thread a story on our profile, but it is also because we want all those likes and comments. Who doesn’t want to be complimented for taking “the perfect selfie”? Who doesn’t want to make their peers envious of a recent exotic trip to Greece?

That craving for all the likes and attention is exactly what is hurting our minds. It makes us feel insecure and anxious whenever we post something new. Our goal is to constantly top the number of likes incurred on the previous post and if that doesn’t happen, there are serious blows to our self-esteem. You may feel that you aren’t loved enough by your friends and family or you may feel that you aren’t getting enough attention as you expected. We feel like we are not living wholesome lives when we see our friends travelling a lot or we feel like we’re missing out if we haven’t watched the latest movie or attended the latest concert. Ultimately, our reality becomes distorted because of these unrealistic expectations we form seeing other people’s picture-perfect lives. It is so important to remember that the pictures/stories we see on social media are hand-picked and glamourized and therefore not accurate representations of real life. Once we realize that our lives are great as they are and not inadequate because we missed out on a trip (for example), we can feel much better about ourselves!

Sometimes, we see mean and derogatory comments on social networking sites and we may feel a sense of angst or hurt. We may get offended when we see dumb jokes or trolls that intend to poke fun (be it a religion, a person, a movie or whatever) and in effect, we become butthurt from comments made by total strangers. It may difficult to ignore them, but we should remember how petty these commenters are being. Their lives behind the screen are probably totally different to how they project it to us on-screen. It is best to ignore these comments and move on with our lives – if we can’t put them in their places.

Another adverse effect of social media on our mindsets is how we develop a FOMO. A fear of missing out. This is obviously the reason why we check our accounts up to a staggering 10 times a day. And when we do, we are disappointed to see that there isn’t much new on our newsfeeds. But, the answer to the question, “why is social media so addictive?” is simple enough. Self-disclosure activates the same part of our brain that lights up when you take cocaine or any other recreational/stimulating drug. In other words, self-disclosure activates the same part of the brain that is associated with pleasure – the same pleasure we receive from eating the food we like or receiving money. The activation of these pleasure zones is even greater when people are told they have an audience.

However addicting these online platforms may be, there is always a way to take a step back and clear your mind. I recently did a phone detox. I should honestly say that was the most peaceful week of my life, ever since I got a phone. I had no access to Instagram, twitter, whatsapp, buzzfeed etc… and I forced myself not to view these sites on my laptop or PC. That was easy enough because once you are used to the comfort of your phone, it seems like a hassle to login on your laptop. Anyway, the biggest refreshment I found during that one week (although my fingers seemed to be facing a deficiency of tapping away on the screen) is that I felt relaxed and I didn’t bother about what others were doing with their time, at all. Because I didn’t know where so and so went or what so and so did, I didn’t have that lacking feeling. I concentrated only on myself for the first time in years. Somewhere along the way, I became a slave to my phone and to these sites and I felt free, even if it were for a short time, when I just put them away. Sure, it is not very easy to do it if you expect a lot of calls every day or if you require you phone to make transactions etc… but there are always self-control apps that block the function of all the downloaded apps on your phone. I highly recommend doing this detox occasionally, because it declutters your mind and rejuvenates your thought process. There is a great feeling from being disconnected to something that shouldn’t be causing you so much stress.

You may point out the irony of this blog post. “You say all these things yet you are using Facebook to share your thoughts.” Yeah you are right. But the thing is, sometimes you have to use fire to fight fire. I cannot put across this message to the people I want to say this to unless I say it on a platform that everyone is bound to check at least once a day.  You don’t have to follow this advice even though I highly recommend it out of personal experience. Nevertheless, maybe today will be the day you decide to toss your phone out for a while. If you’re looking for some change and some decluttering in your life, don’t wait any longer! Just go for it!

--V

*I am not rude, I am outspoken.

Bullying in schools

Bullying is a very common and serious problem that teenagers face all over the world. It is something most people have been through in their school life and have tried to ignore, but many of the bullied have been mentally affected by all those comments and actions from the bullies. Ways of bullying may range from seemingly harmless jokes, comments and spreading rumors to pranking, verbal if not physical violence. If it is not taken seriously, the person affected by this can go into depression and isolate themselves from their peers and even their family. In the worst cases they can even go as far as to harm themselves or commit suicide.

Even though no reason can be significant enough to justify bullying, the main causes are prejudices and stereotypes created by our society and especially by this generation. One of the main groups of people who are victims of bullying in almost every school are the so-called nerds. These are the studious and (not necessarily) introverted students who do not indulge in ordinary high-school activities like gossiping or partying. These kind of people are ostracized by their peers and in some cases forced to help others to cheat in their classes for better grades. This is one of the main reasons for their low levels of self-esteem and distrusting nature.

Our modern body image is another cause for bullying of specific individuals. Being dark-skinned or overweight can make you victim of bullying in most schools as our generation idolizes “white”, skinny celebrities. In my opinion, this obsession over a fair skin complexion is like a hangover-effect from the colonial time. Anyone with this type of a figure and complexion are considered beautiful and those who do not fulfill these beauty standards are shunned. This often results in rude jokes, pranks and disrespect for the bullied person and this affects them mentally. They may even start disliking their bodies or themselves and may not feel comfortable in their skins.

In many private schools there is the problem that students, who stem from the middle-class or low-income earning families are discriminated and bullied. They are belittled because they do not have branded products or because their English sounds too “low-class”. The constant rude remarks and laughter that they experience may distract and completely demotivate them from studying or even focusing on their aims in life. Of course, not everyone can be generalized to this statement. Some people prove the others wrong by putting in their best efforts and achieving their goals, but they are exceptions.

Bullying, for whatever reason it may be, really impacts the lives of the bullied and the bullies. The bullied ones have difficulties with their own character and appearance as they wonder if it is their fault that everyone disrespects them. They have serious trust issues for a major part of their lives, are very defensive due to all these negative experiences and do not understand the value of their uniqueness. They try to get rid of their individuality and become “normal”, which can even lead to an identity crisis as they are not being accepted by their peers. The bullies do not understand the difference between respect and fear and live delusional lives until they realize their mistakes. They may never realize how the problems that they created in some other individual's life may have hurt and impacted them this deeply. They will never learn until they experience it themselves.

However we cannot generalize and say that bullies are always the “bad” ones in this story. Who knows what might have cause them to behave this way to others? They might have even been bullied or mishandled in the past. Maybe that is just how they let out all the anger, frustration or stress that has been pent up inside them. I know from my own experience that life can be very difficult and unfair. But it gives no one the right to treat another person without any respect or equality.

Some say that bullying can never be stopped and will always prevail in every school. I too agree with them, but only up to a certain extent. Of course bullying will not stop if no one takes any action against it. Of course it will never stop until we all realize that at some point in our lives we had been on either one side of this problem: the bully or the bullied. But it not enough to just realize this. Victims of bullying should acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses and not let themselves be defined by their peers. They should appreciate their individuality and empower themselves. The same way, when bullies realize what they have done, they should take a step towards respecting others and treating them equally. Most importantly, they should forgive anyone who was a reason for their attitude towards others and also forgive themselves.

– R

* I'm not rude, I'm outspoken.

An Open Letter to All My Haters

This is an open letter to all of the people in the world who spread so much negative energy. From bullies to gossiping and criticizing aunties. Those who find a problem for every solution. Those fakers who act like they like you but then bitch about you behind your back. This one is for all of you. :)

Dear haters,

I am sure there are many people who want to say many things to you. Sadly, these people lacked the courage to speak their minds. And maybe that’s a result of your comments and taunts. You may not have realized how your thoughtless comments affect others when you first utter them. But these said comments sometimes do have a very significant impact on your victims’ minds. More often than not seemingly insignificant remarks can go onto have very adverse and long-term effects on the mind.  It Lowers self-confidence. More anxiety. More insecurities. Bullies are the most evident haters that I can think of. Being bullied teaches you that you are undesirable – i.e. that you don’t belong and you don’t fit in. By virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe that these things the bullies are saying about you are true. It would be great if the average person was possessed of unshakable self-confidence, but this just isn't how identity works.

I feel like all bullies have an endless repertoire of things they can use to rag people with. Calling people fat. Calling them skinny. Critiquing appearance (skin condition, colour) such as acist slurs. Inevitably, it is the sensitive kids who get singled out for teasing; the kids who cry easily; the kids who prefer to be alone than with the wrong company; the “geeks”; “the nerds”. It disgusts me to no end as to how stereotypes are taken so seriously by these haters. Just because you like comics that doesn’t make you a raging fanboy/girl who won’t talk about anything else. Just because you have glasses, doesn’t mean you are a scrawny nerd. And just because you are a nerd, doesn’t make you “uncool”. In fact – nerds are some of the “coolest” most passionate people in the world. It would do us so much good if we put aside our petty differences and judgements and actually embraced them. No one has the right to taunt or hate on another person because of his/her hobbies, interests, sexuality, race, religion, beliefs and/or appearance. There is no such thing as wrong size, wrong face, wrong skin color or even wrong personality.

Despite all of your intentions, I know that you (like everything else in this world) have a purpose. I want to thank you for teaching me a few things. Thank you for making me realize that loving myself for who I am is more important than fearing your opinions. Thank you for making me realize that I need not give a shit about anyone’s negative opinions of me. I know me more than you know me. We all have our insecurities and vulnerabilities. Plus, we’re only human. We don’t need to get it together every minute of the day. Everyone has bad days, right? And through those bad days I found out that it is up to me to recognize those few genuine people who love me. Over time, I have come to understand that the quality of my friends is so much more important than the quantity of the same. Those few people are the ones that are worth it all. Just like that I say thank you for being my greatest teachers about the power of words. Because of your words I choose mine carefully. Thank you for teaching me, though it has taken me years to learn, that just because someone says something about me does not make it true.

Learning not to give a shit about people’s opinions of you is tough. It may sound surprising to the carefree and nonchalant people out there but it is true. As someone who suffers from social anxiety, I find it difficult to explain why that is so. My brain goes into haywire mode and I end up overthinking and over analyzing every little remark. This leads to insecurity and it is a downhill spiral from there. Once or twice is tolerable. Anyone can understand a joke or a tease but saying it repeatedly makes us think what if it is actually true? You can say why do you care? Well of course I care! It is me you are talking about! I have self-respect and I care about my self-esteem. You can’t expect us to brush it off or take it lightly once it has already lowered our self-confidence. But now I know better. I don’t need to care about what you say about me to me or whoever. It is a slow process but I am learning that loving myself is more important than fearing your opinions of me. It takes time but I know that I can overcome my insecurities.

You have to realize by now that your thoughtless actions show your true colors and not mine. It shows how sad, petty, hateful and maybe even jealous you are. There is a thin line between joking around and actually being rude. The limits exist and what may seem funny to you may not be on the humorous side for me at all. I really wouldn’t know what turned you into a hater or what past experiences made you be like this. But I hope to god that he/she gives you the strength to overcome whatever the negative feelings you are feeling. At least for your victims’ sake if not for your well-being. I advise you change your attitude before it is too late. Before your cunning attitude affects or even ruins your future relationships. Before you can’t go back and before you lose something dear to you. There is absolutely nothing to gain from being spiteful and hateful. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Think before you speak because the saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is not really true.

Sincerely,

A victim

-         -- V 

*       *I am not rude. I am outspoken.

Gender stereotypes and perception in conservative families

Have you ever been surprised by how a friend of yours, who comes from a very conservative family, thinks? Did she/he sound narrow-minded or very sexist? Well, this may be because of the way they are brought up and because of their family traditions. Often, children, who grow up in very conservative families, are given only half-truths and have many misconceptions about (mostly) taboo topics. 

In the majority of conventional families, girls are not are not even aware that there is a natural process called the menstrual cycle. This leads to them freaking out when they get their first periods. Not only that, but they also feel very negatively about their body until they get used to their periods. They do not understand why they have to go through such a 'disgusting' process and are ashamed of themselves. They are, in my opinion, forced to follow certain procedures without getting an explanation as to why they have to do it. In most traditional families, they cannot have any physical contact with other people, clothes, they cannot sleep on the bed, they cannot enter the kitchen etc. They also do not feel comfortable when this topic comes up in their education, predominantly in biology, while learning about the reproductive system.

But girls are not the only ones affected by the incomplete information on periods, even boys are. They get a wrong perception on what girls have to go through and instead of being understand during this time, they mock girls who are on their periods and laugh about them. This only makes girls draw themselves back from any social interactions when they have their periods. They do not have the confidence to accept this natural process and get defensive by any comments boys make about periods, as though it is a bad thing.

The next fallacy is about interaction and relationships with the opposite gender. Here are some popular things, that traditional families say about boys to girls: they take advantage of you, you can't have any guy friends, all boys are bad and cunning, they always have an ulterior motive while interacting with you etc. All these judgmental comments create a long-lasting prejudice against men. This makes them look at all men as cheaters and rapists. However, teenage girls have an urge to bond with the opposite gender because of peer pressure and of course hormonal changes. This causes an internal clash, which makes them hide friendships and other relationships with boys to their parents/families. This leads to a lack of trust between them, which is a serious problem in the future.

As you all know, prejudices that girls have against boys affect both sides. Girls may have a false perception and an internal clash, but boys have emotions too right? How do you think innocent boys will feel, if we categorize all boys under 'evil' or even worse: 'rapists'? According to me, this is one of the main reasons for the aggressive behavior many boys show towards girls and also all the stereotypes that girls are given by them. We must not judge someone for something another person of the same gender does.

But most boys who grew up in traditional families are also in the same situation as girls. They are also have hormones and certain cravings, under which the urge to have a relationship is very predominant. But the biggest irony I've heard about is when a traditionally brought up boy has a younger sister. In most cases as such a boy thinks it is okay for him to have a relationship with a girl, but when his sister has the same wish, she isn't 'allowed' to. I understand that they have a natural instinct to protect their sisters, but can't they see the irony of the situation? What if his girlfriend has an elder brother, who thinks the same way as he does? This is something boys should really consider, while having a relationship. The way they behave with their girlfriend is the same as someone else may behave with their sisters.

I'm not against whatever conservative families say and the way they bring up their children. But in my opinion, many things that they preach do not apply to the modern society and culture. It affects the teenagers' perception of themselves and the other gender. I think we should be given the chance to form our own opinions, without being forced into following something. In the end, we may choose to follow what our families taught us, which is perfectly alright. But we have to be given the freedom of choice. It really helps clear stereotypes and prejudices. So the next time, think before you blindly judge someone and also how you would feel if someone does the same to you. Be open-minded.

– R

*I'm not rude, I'm outspoken.

The Importance of Empowering Women

Continuing from our recent string of blog posts, I want to now write succinctly about why it is important to empower women. It would be foolish to deny that the balance scale consisting women on one side and men on the other is tipped towards the men’s side. It is absolutely, undeniably true that women face a lot of discrimination and therefore, women empowerment is synonymous with feminism. Empowering women (it has a lot more purport to it than what Rahul Gandhi intends) means to authorize and give power, increase the position and status of women in all spheres of life. Women empowerment deals with creating a level playing field for both the sexes.

Empowering women is directly related to eliminating sexism and discrimination against girls. Sex discrimination in the work place could include not hiring a woman because the employer thinks that she won’t fit into a ‘traditionally’ or ‘typically’ male workplace, offering women different wages/pay for the same job that a man does, dividing tasks based on gender, not considering women for a particular project or role and even not promoting a woman to a higher position. These differences could result because of assumptions that a married woman or a mother may have higher priorities in her life than focusing on her career. Maybe there are assumptions that a woman cannot balance her home-life with her work-life. Whatever the reason may be, it is statistically proven that women earn less than men in their lifetimes. For every 1$ that a man earns, a woman earns only 70 cents. This is a truly disturbing fact because women are as capable as men, and the only thing stopping them is discrimination and inequality of the sexes.

Nursing, teaching, home science and childcare are often associated with being female-orientated jobs and thus there is often encouragement for women to embark on these career paths rather than say engineering, construction or military training. However, this is not to say that men don’t face similar kinds of preferential encouragement. You don’t find many male nannies (or ‘mannies’ as they are apparently being called) or many male nurses. This is probably because many years ago, when the need for these professions arose, the sexes were divided based on their inherent characteristics. For example, a female may be more well-suited to a childcare profession because they are associated with maternal characteristics and usually have more attachment to children (because they give birth). Along the same lines, men were probably chosen to do the heavy-lifting, physical work because of their muscular build and heavier bodies. Thus, it is probably pointless to argue why there are certain jobs that are concentrated more towards a particular sex. Nonetheless, it is nice to see many people defying gender based stereotypes and pursuing what they want regardless of what society dictates. The only way to abolish stereotypes is to break them. What do you do if your parents insist against being an engineer because it is a male dominated sector? Become an engineer. Don’t put yourselves into boxes. There are endless possibilities if you be yourself and do what appeases you.

Women in Indian film are more often than not are portrayed as damsels in distress. Helpless and cutesy characters that exist just to serve as eye candy and show the sweet romantic side of the hero. How many masala flicks have we seen that portray women in this light? What is even more shocking is that it is only of late that films are portraying women as mere show pieces. I don’t recall watching a film of Sridevi or Hema Malini that portrayed them as nothing but desperate eye candy. Sure, they may have danced racily in some sequences but their contribution and role in the film was on par with that of the male protagonist. That’s why it is so important that heroines start calling the industry out for nuisances like this. It is equally necessary that they don’t endorse sexist products such as fairness creams and slimming products and also that she doesn’t not agree to do item songs. It is things like this that portray women in a negative and inferior light, make viewers see women in the same way and all It does is bridge the gap between how each sex is seen. Moreover, the media should stop setting artificial and impossible standards of beauty. You are beautiful whether or not you are size zero. You are beautiful whether or not you have fair skin. You are beautiful whether or not you wear makeup. To the media: stop asking sexist questions and start asking existential questions to women on the red carpet too and not just about their diet and which designer they are wearing.

What distinguishes men’s achievements from women’s is simply the lack of opportunities presented to women. The lack of women in leadership positions speaks volumes of the failure of businesses around the world to address gender discrimination and establish a mixed gender leadership. It is so important to make sure that there is fair judgement and evaluation of a job offer and that no person is treated unfairly because of gender. One has to realize that there is so much untapped potential hidden in the women who are constantly discriminated against. Gender socialization begins at such an early age. Indirectly or directly, young girls are told that they should behave like fragile princesses and that is bullshit. Girls should have the right to behave however they want to! The sporting industry is a very good example of an industry that proves that women don’t need to be gentle. It is sadly also an apt example to show the bias against women in terms of opportunity and professional ranks. While men’s sporting teams are recognized nationally and even internationally, most people don’t even know any players of the women’s team in the same sport. Everybody knows Sachin Tendulkar but has anybody ever even heard of Anjum Chopra? It is not really the public’s fault though. We only have the media to blame and this lack of awareness and knowledge needs to change.

So at the end of the day, in order for women to gain more rights and be on par with men in the social ladder, we must collectively work together to empower women. There are so many ways in which this can be done. Create safe working environments by installing CCTV cameras in appropriate places. Provide more vocational and job training for women. Create more flexible and part-time jobs for women who wish to maintain a balance between their careers and families. By educating and informing women, we promote economic and social development. This also helps in the way that women are more informed about their rights and can defend themselves better in case of unjust activity. Men and women must raise their voices against any such act of gender inequality. Don’t be afraid to call people out for their wrongdoings. Women are just like men and they have all the rights in the world to have complete control of their lives both outside and inside the working place. Women should have equal status in the society and equal rights for social and economic injustice. However, it is important to also remember that we need the support of men too. Men can stand up for women as well because it is their own daughters, sisters, wives or friends that are discriminated against. Men can do so many things to support women: they can partake in an equal sharing of household chores, educate others about gender bias, challenge sexist remarks and jokes (The horrible ‘go make me a sandwich’ one especially) and even be aware of sexual consent.

Empower those girls around you but first accept and acknowledge that there is blatant sexism all around us. Fight in unison to abolish such disparities.

--V

*I am not rude, I am outspoken.

How media affects gender equality

As everyone knows, today's youngsters are the key to our future world. They have the most impact on future developments, society, culture, language, mindsets, norms and of course gender equality. Apart from school, family and friends, media plays a major role in youngsters' lives. Not only does it help us form opinions and take sides, it also teaches us many concepts and affects our thoughts and emotions. So, how does the media, which is supposed to have an immense responsibility to educate the upcoming generations, influence gender inequality?

From my standpoint, I would say that media has more negative influence on gender inequality than a positive influence. But I'm not saying that it is the objective of media to discourage equality. No, in fact they predominantly do what they do with good intentions, but sometimes the opposite of their expected effect occurs. And also, some of the advertisements and articles that are supposed to promote gender equality are actually offensive if you think about them.

In the 20th century, where patriarchy was present in most countries, you could see countless advertisements that portrayed gender stereo types openly. The people were so used to them, that they didn't find any of them offensive, but when we look at them nowadays, we find those ads outrageous. However many of us don't realize that this gender stereotyping hasn't stopped yet. It is just that they are more hidden. You can see fair, slim women wearing quite revealing clothes advertising cars or junk food. This is (obviously) to attract men. If women aren't portrayed as mentioned above, then as one of the general stereotypes: the shy housewife, the to-be-bride, the young mother etc. But women aren't the only ones being stereotyped, the men are too. You can see the bulky, muscular men, the nerdy type, the clueless type and so on. For example there was once an advertisement of a popular brand with the following motto: “Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a boss.” This is extremely sexist, because it implies that only men can think logically and women are only recognized because of their appearance. 

You can say that the purpose of an advertisement is to convince people to buy the product and thus the gender stereotypes are justified, but we need to understand how bad an influence it is on the young ones. They feel the need to become one of the stereotypes, because it is “cool” and because only those type of people are attractive or accepted in social groups.

The representation of genders in advertisements isn't as big a problem as some of the products themselves. The inference that only fair-skinned girls can find their life partner and thus dark-skinned girls should utilize fairness creams and cosmetic products creates unnecessary expectations and complexes. Dark-skinned girls aren't satisfied with their looks and are in most cases under-confident because of this; boys in general think that only fair-skinned girls can qualify as their girlfriends. A similar controversial product is diet and slimming food products. A cereal brand was advertised with the following tagline: “This summer lose your weight not your confidence.” What was this supposed to mean? Yes, you can only be confident if you aren't overweight. This is a blow to the self-respect of many girls. They become too self-conscious of their weight and in extreme cases end up with eating disorders. 

I am not saying that these products should banned, no, many people are willing to use them and that is their choice. What I'm trying to explain is that no one should be put down because of their appearance and physical qualities. These kind of products should be advertised in a manner that no one gets offended due to them.

The next main grey area in media, is the portrayal of the different genders in films. As you all know, films are a major source of entertainment and hence a very popular form of media. The most ideal films, in my opinion are light comedies or films about social issues and solutions to them. But unfortunately several films are of the so-called genre “masala” which basically refers to a cliché film containing a bit from all main genres. In these kind of films there are so many gender stereotypes. A typical “masala” film features a fair, slim heroine who is very emotional and naive – a damsel in distress. The heroine's role is so insignificant that even if you take them out of the plot, it remains the same. The hero is muscular and is shown as a very violent and impulsive person, who always saves the day. The villain is mostly the heroine's father or a local politician. 

All these stereotypes manipulate the minds of young, growing people in a way that they think this is how a perfect person should be. What they don't understand is that no one is perfect. You don't have to be fair or slim or muscular or violent to be attractive. Many a times they try to become someone who they are not. Also parents aren't aware of all these effects films have on children and teenagers. These kind of films makes people imagine too many things and also creates unrealistic hopes about their futures. Films shouldn't only entertain, they should also educate. So why aren't there more films where the heroine is dark-skinned, intelligent and independent? Why can't the hero be clever, but also emotional? Why is it such a taboo for a man to cry? 

People working in the film industry, like any other industry get a specific income. But, for actors the income varies drastically, depending on the budget and the success of the film they act in. Even though this is the case, actresses are often paid a lot less than actors. The worst part about this is, their talent and their work isn't really considered for this decision. Even if their performance in the film was much superior than the actor's, it just doesn't matter. Of course, this may not be true for all cases, but generally this is what happens. I admire many actresses, who have openly talked about this problem on interviews. I hope they make a difference for the future artists in that industry.

Many of us may think that  this inequality in payment in the film industry doesn't matter, because the actresses affected by this still get a higher salary in a single film than most us could earn in a decade. But this only speaks for the most popular actresses. If the gender inequality in salary exists in a large industry like Bollywood, then imagine small screen actresses and television anchors. They are affected significantly by this inequality. Media needs to understand what they are doing and how it affects the youth's perspective of gender stereotypes and equality. The future of our generation has a huge connection to media, so it is our duty to make them understand. Do not support sexist portrayal of men or women. Criticize media for their blunders. Stand up for both your gender and the opposite gender. 

– R
* I'm not rude, I'm outspoken.

What Being a Feminist Really Means

Feminism: Noun: Feminism is a range of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish opportunities for women in education and employment on the grounds of the equality of the sexes.

Now that you have read the definition, I hope that all your misconceptions about this commonly misused word are cleared. Feminism, like most new, badly “translated” words (Netflix and chill, anyone?) is under fire. It pops up every now and then on our Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr feeds and leaves us confused and confounded. In the age of social media where so many opinions and experiences exist, perspectives will vary. And while this may often lead to misunderstanding, conflict and even hatred, it is important to put yourself in another person’s shoes and understand the situation fully before you have fixed opinions. Contrary to popular notions, feminists do not want to strip men of their power or jobs. We (as I am a feminist and proud of it) are here to enable equal rights for both the genders. Many a times, men especially like to berate or point out the fact that feminists “hate” men. Fighting for women’s rights has become too synonymous with man-hating. Why does that opinion even come up? Because feminists merely want women to be able to be credible engineers and scientists and not just tokens? Because women, like men, should have the right to choose a career over marriage? Because a woman’s clothing shouldn’t determine her character? Because women simply want the same rights as the men have? Why should loving and standing up for yourself be equivalent to hating someone else?

In order to avoid confusion and unnecessary conflict, it is important to differentiate the roles of a feminist and a feminazi. A feminazi is a sexist and a feminist is a person who believes in equality of the genders. So while feminists believe in equal rights for us, the feminazis just make us look stupid. The feminazis want women to have more rights than men do. Feminazis want women to have more power than men do.  Feminazis are the ones that think all men are ‘idiots’ and that women need “women only” spaces in a man-dominating world. And ultimately they want that space to become the world. Feminazis are the ones that want change yet refuse forward progression. The purpose of feminism is to bring about parity, not bias.

Feminism, simply and synonymously put, is a spiritual, physical and virtual movement that promises equal respect at all frontiers for both men and women. Why do we even need feminism? Because every time a woman gets paid less for doing the same work a man gets paid more for, its unjust. We need feminism because every time a woman is sexually assaulted and is asked to keep quiet about or is even blamed for the assault (as she was wearing ‘provocative clothes’), it is unjust that the perpetrator is able to roam free of charges (in most cases). And to everyone pulling the “this is real feminism, not (insert here)” argument: Women who are fighting for economic equality are feminists. Women who are pushing back against patriarchal traditions are feminists. Women who are fighting against double-standards, slut-shaming and rape culture are also feminists. Women who take issue with degrading lyrics are also feminists. Women who fight in any way to be seen as equals to men… are feminists. And guess what? Men who want equality between the genders are also feminists.

When anyone believes in the equality of the sexes, there are so many things that can entail.  You may be thinking (or better put, maybe you can’t think) of issues where women face inequality.  Even in developed countries, women are at a disadvantage when it comes to salary, especially at the workplace. It is estimated that a woman earns only 77% of what a man earns in the same position. At this rate, it may take up to 45 years to eliminate the wage gap. As Jennifer Lawrence refreshingly, honestly, and humorously said: “It’s hard for me to speak about my experience as a working woman because I can safely say my problems aren’t exactly relatable. I failed as a negotiator because I gave up early. I realized every man I was working with definitely didn’t worry about being ‘difficult’ or ‘spoiled’.” Yes, while it may not seem like a pressing issue in a coveted and large industry like Hollywood or even Bollywood, the wage gap is definitely worrying in less rich fields. There are many other such blasphemous issues such as women in Africa and Asia being married before the legal age of 18, discriminatory divorce rights, unequal legal rights and even access to education.

I like the saying that it is fun being a woman in a man’s world because after all we can wear the pants but the men can’t wear dresses. However, I can’t say the its fun in other situations. When a man acts like a leader, he is called a boss. But when a woman takes control and is bossy, she is called a bitch. I beg to differ. It is more like she is being in total control of herself. However, there is also a problem with making a big fuss whenever a woman achieves something. By making it seem like a big deal, not only does it bolster the gap between the genders but also does it make it seem like it’s a rare or surprising feat. So how about saying “She is important and she is a woman” instead of saying “She is important because she is a woman.” I don’t see articles on ’25 badass male characters’ or ’25 men who are changing the world’… so I must ask, why is it such a big deal if a woman accomplishes the same thing a man does, but only the woman’s feat is publicized as if out of the ordinary?

When we talk about gender equality, it is important to remember that there are equally pressing issues for men also. As eloquently and aptly put by Emma Watson in her speech for the #HeForShe campaign, at the UN headquarters back in 2014, feminism is not just for women. We don’t often speak about men imprisoned by gender stereotypes but they do exist. Fathers are not given nearly as much credit in the upbringing of a child and this is especially clear since paternity leaves are much much shorter than maternity leaves (at most firms). Men suffering from mental illness are scared to talk to people about it or bring it up publicly in fear of how of being seen as less of a man. It is even considered a sign of weakness if a man cries. That is completely ridiculous! Men should be allowed to be sensitive. Women should be allowed to be strong and independent. When girls are allowed to wear blue then what is wrong with a boy liking pink?

“If feminism isn’t powerful, if feminism isn’t influential, people wouldn’t spend so much time putting it down” – Jessica Valenti. I think that pretty much sums up what feminism is really all about. It’s a movement that preaches impartiality. That’s it. Not so complicated now is it?

-       -- V

*I am not rude. I am outspoken.

Be unique

All your friends think gay marriage is wrong, but you don't. Does this mean you are different, that your perspective is wrong? 
Your family is very conservative and believes in a particular religion and a particular God. In your opinion, God is fictional and doesn't exist. Is your belief not right?
While you get many good job opportunities with a high salary, you choose a job in a small company, which is located in the outskirts of the city, just because you think the work pressure will be minimal. Your family isn't happy with your choice and think you won't be happy with this position for long. Was your choice wrong?
The answer to all these questions in NO. Your perspective isn't wrong, your belief isn't wrong and your choice isn't wrong. There is nothing such as right or wrong. Everything in this world is relative. It is okay to think differently and to be different. It doesn't mean you are wrong, it means you are unique. Uniqueness is an excellent quality, which will help you succeed in life. 

Do you think Einstein would have become famous if he had the same ideas as the previous scientists in his field? No, his theory became famous because it was new and unique. All the inventions and technology wouldn't have happened if is wasn't for the inventor's individual idea and fantasy. 
Siddhartha Gautama's distinctive way of looking at life lead to a whole new religion: Buddhism.
It was Mother Teresa's special character, which made her sacrifice her entire life to help others, which lead to the organization Missionaries of Charity.

I'm not saying that all unique people will be world-famous and invent something. What I'm saying is, uniqueness will help you achieve your life goal and to be happy. It will help you find and accomplish the purpose of your life. Don't push away your uniqueness, just because society thinks it is “wrong”. In my opinion, the word “wrong” should not exist at all, because there is no justification to that word. 

The majority of us (in India) have been taught to go with the flow, but to be unique at the same time. What an irony. All your life you family and friends have specific expectations from you, which may not allow your true self to show itself. Not many of us have the power to make important choices in our lives at an early age. Many of you can't choose which school you want to go to, which syllabus you want to take, which subjects you want to choose, what extra skills and activities you want to undertake, or which course to attend in college. You are forced to do many things because the majority of the society does the same. If this is the case how can your parents expect you to be unique? Is that even possible if all your choices are made for you? No. This is why all decisions concerning a child or a teenager must be made only taking the child's selection and wish into consideration. 

You should stand up for your belief and for your perspective. That doesn't make you stubborn, it makes you persistent and strong-willed. No one should be forced into believing in a belief-system. They should be able to take their time and form their own opinion on the topic religion and God. Besides, it is not the religion or the God which you believe in, that matters. It is only your faith which makes a difference.

Go and shout out to all narrow-minded people, who blindly follow every social norm: Unique is good!
Don't allow your true identity to be oppressed by social expectations and norms. Even when your family convinces you that you are wrong, don't believe it. You aren't wrong, you are unique. 

Sexual orientation is another topic which is taboo in conservative homes. Being gay is not at all respected as an option. It is atrocious to bring up that topic in a conservative family. Many homosexual people suffer because of the narrow-mindedness of our society. Because of this, many of them look at themselves in a negative manner and have difficulties with accepting their identities, since it is “wrong”. What many of us don't understand or rather what we don't want to accept is that homosexual people aren't responsible for the way the feel about their own gender. It is something natural.

For everyone out there, who thinks homosexuality is not appropriate or “wrong”, remember that it is just your opinion and that you have no right to judge a person because of their sexual identity. 

In our society, girl often have to behave in a specific way, do certain things and avoid particular activities. I believe this is because our female ancestors didn't have exposure to many activities which are considered boyish. Girls can't dress in jeans and Tees, do lots of physical work or even work out a lot. Some people find girls with well-defined muscles disgusting or too manly. Girls have so many restrictions at wherever they go. Aren't you tired of hearing “Sit with your legs closed.” or “Don't be out late.” or “Don't talk to boys.” or “Don't wear tight clothes.”? Do you think others have the right to decide how you should behave? I think you yourself should be the judge of it. 

Even though all the restrictions mentioned above may seem very trivial, they do make a difference. All these little things together make up who you are. You shouldn't be told how to sit, dress or just how to behave by anyone. You should decide that, because that's who you are. 

Don't be afraid of “what others would say”. It absolutely doesn't matter. In the end all that counts is your happiness. Stand up for it, be yourself. Think differently. Create. Be unique.

-- R
* I'm not rude, I'm outspoken.

Being Confident

Ever since I was an infant, I have always been chubby and overweight. Sure, it was cute and adorable when I was a toddler, but sometimes, it is nothing but uncomfortable as an teenager. For many years I felt like the problem was within me. Like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough to buy cute sleeveless tops or skirts that reached my knees. I would feel really bad whenever I went shopping, seeing the other slimmer and fitter girls getting to try on clothes that I so badly wanted to wear. However, most of the time, I would get over it soon and ensure myself that I look fine the way I am and that there is nothing wrong with being a little bit overweight.

I think the biggest problem with being overweight is not internal, but external. When one is fat one is almost never confident or even comfortable in his/her own skin. Being constantly told by those around you to stop wearing tight clothes or to wear bottoms that cover your entire lower body just so that your chunky thighs aren’t seen, doesn’t exactly add to your self-esteem. There have even been times when my people told me not to wear a sleeveless top just because my arms are visible along with my stretch marks. Very rarely have I worn clothes, looked in the mirror and thought to myself ‘I look good! This suits me!’. Sadly, even when it happens, that confidence and gaiety doesn’t last for long. Soon I would start thinking, ‘I will never be like that… I am always going to look heavier than most people.’ This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you have been told for the longest time, that there is (seemingly) something wrong with your body. You tend to spend most of the day feeling self-conscious and wary of what the people around you are going to think of how you look and how you carry yourself.

Then come the dietary warnings. “You should lay off ice cream and paneer completely”. “Stop buying chocolates”. “You want to bake? Go on, eat cakes and get even fatter. *note: sarcasm*” Saying things like ‘stop eating that, you are already fat’ or ‘don’t wear that, it really emphasizes the size of your belly’ are not only rude but also embarrassing. Why does everyone make it seem like there is a problem with your appearance just because you are fat? Why does that even matter? Don’t they realize that these people draw even more attention to overweight people by commenting on them than they do by just wearing or even doing whatever they want?

Even when I started going to the gym, my trainer would constantly tell me that we would have to work to lose a lot of weight because I am (no surprises for guessing) overweight by several kilos. Being reminded on a regular basis, that you are not in a statistically healthy position really does get to you. Of course I know that I am fat. AS if I didn’t know that until you told me. AS if I forgot about it. What really demotivates a fat person is not the fact that they are fat but the fact that they are constantly reminded of it as if it is a sin. As if it is their fault. As if it is something they chose to be. Before you judge me or tell me what to do, make sure that you are perfect. You call me fat – you are wrong. I am not fat, I have fat. 

Another major problem with today’s generation is the constant pressure the media projects by setting standards for how a woman/girl should look – especially her weight and body shape. Stop trying to force people into specific body images influenced by the media’s idealistic and absurd expectations. Stop fat shaming and trying to fit people into a certain measurement. Don’t tell me that this is how my body is supposed to look.

However, this isn’t to say that I am against people advising an overweight person to watch their weight or even shed a few kilos. Of course, health is a major concern and if your weight is affecting that then obviously action has to be taken. But that doesn’t mean towering over him/her and reiterating the same thing over and over again until the point he/she feels bad him/herself. If you are perfectly healthy and happy, then why pressurize them? Just because you don’t like looking at a few extra pounds of skin, doesn’t mean that you have to put that person down. That’s wrong and no one gave you the right do so. No one is perfect.

There is a constant fear of walking out and fearing that the public eye is going to stare you down just because some clothes don’t suit your body shape. What I have learnt from the past years is that self-confidence has to start from home. If your own family is constantly putting you down just because you have a couple of extra pounds of skin, then what’s to say everyone else won’t?  Being comfortable in your own skin starts from the family. People of your household have no right to tell you that you don’t look good just because you are fat. As long as a person is healthy and happy, who cares what you look like? Your shape, size, complexion and any other physical factors are irrelevant. They are not even secondary. They shouldn’t ever matter.

Confidence is one thing that is really affected by your physical appearance. Sure, many people (mainly the ones deemed “pretty” by society) try to deny the fact but sadly, reality is not so. From my experience, I have never been confident around other people. I have never made friends or mingled with others easily. The first day at a new place (school for example) is a complete nervous breakdown for me. Riddled with questions like “What if no one likes me?” “What if I am left all alone?” “What if they don’t want to talk to me because I am fat?", I am just a complete nervous wreck. It just spirals downwards from there. Overcoming these insecurities is difficult. Especially when you are starting out in a new environment. However, it is only difficult but not impossible.

The first step to confidence, is to love yourself. You might be fat, but how does that stop you from being happy? Yes, you are fat, but so what? How does that stop you from doing what you want and being who you want to be? Having the ability to love yourself is what eliminates any toxic feelings or insecurities and is what paves a path to happy environment. Accept yourself for who you are and stop comparing yourself to other people. Nobody is perfect. And most importantly, stop caring so much about others’ opinions of you. Anyone with a mind and mouth will have an opinion on anything and everything. Surround yourself with people who like you and people who motivate you to like yourself for who you are. Embrace your body and like yourself for who you are. It all gets better from there.

-- V

 * I am not rude, I am outspoken.

About Us

Hi everyone! 

Welcome and thank you for visiting our blogging page!

Have you ever had opinions on certain topics and not known how to express them? Have you ever not fully comprehended what it means to be a feminist? Have you ever been frustrated with how society works? Do you think everything in the world is relative? Do you ask a lot of questions?

If your answer is yes, then you know our basic thought process. In this blog, we will be writing about topics we have pondered about endlessly, the issues we are conflicted about and things that we want answers to.

Our objective of this blog is to become more open-minded and to create awareness about often misinterpreted issues. We also want to develop our writing skills and ability to communicate and express our thoughts properly.

We hope your experience on this blog is enriching and fulfilling. We hope you are enlightened and inspired. J

Warm regards,

V and R

Disclaimer: In this age of social media, where every issue is unnecessarily exaggerated, our intent is NOT TO OFFEND any person, religion, culture, tradition, relationship, opinion, ideology or morals. This blog mainly comprises of OUR personal thoughts and viewpoints. We hope you don’t misunderstand us.