Being Confident

Ever since I was an infant, I have always been chubby and overweight. Sure, it was cute and adorable when I was a toddler, but sometimes, it is nothing but uncomfortable as an teenager. For many years I felt like the problem was within me. Like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough to buy cute sleeveless tops or skirts that reached my knees. I would feel really bad whenever I went shopping, seeing the other slimmer and fitter girls getting to try on clothes that I so badly wanted to wear. However, most of the time, I would get over it soon and ensure myself that I look fine the way I am and that there is nothing wrong with being a little bit overweight.

I think the biggest problem with being overweight is not internal, but external. When one is fat one is almost never confident or even comfortable in his/her own skin. Being constantly told by those around you to stop wearing tight clothes or to wear bottoms that cover your entire lower body just so that your chunky thighs aren’t seen, doesn’t exactly add to your self-esteem. There have even been times when my people told me not to wear a sleeveless top just because my arms are visible along with my stretch marks. Very rarely have I worn clothes, looked in the mirror and thought to myself ‘I look good! This suits me!’. Sadly, even when it happens, that confidence and gaiety doesn’t last for long. Soon I would start thinking, ‘I will never be like that… I am always going to look heavier than most people.’ This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you have been told for the longest time, that there is (seemingly) something wrong with your body. You tend to spend most of the day feeling self-conscious and wary of what the people around you are going to think of how you look and how you carry yourself.

Then come the dietary warnings. “You should lay off ice cream and paneer completely”. “Stop buying chocolates”. “You want to bake? Go on, eat cakes and get even fatter. *note: sarcasm*” Saying things like ‘stop eating that, you are already fat’ or ‘don’t wear that, it really emphasizes the size of your belly’ are not only rude but also embarrassing. Why does everyone make it seem like there is a problem with your appearance just because you are fat? Why does that even matter? Don’t they realize that these people draw even more attention to overweight people by commenting on them than they do by just wearing or even doing whatever they want?

Even when I started going to the gym, my trainer would constantly tell me that we would have to work to lose a lot of weight because I am (no surprises for guessing) overweight by several kilos. Being reminded on a regular basis, that you are not in a statistically healthy position really does get to you. Of course I know that I am fat. AS if I didn’t know that until you told me. AS if I forgot about it. What really demotivates a fat person is not the fact that they are fat but the fact that they are constantly reminded of it as if it is a sin. As if it is their fault. As if it is something they chose to be. Before you judge me or tell me what to do, make sure that you are perfect. You call me fat – you are wrong. I am not fat, I have fat. 

Another major problem with today’s generation is the constant pressure the media projects by setting standards for how a woman/girl should look – especially her weight and body shape. Stop trying to force people into specific body images influenced by the media’s idealistic and absurd expectations. Stop fat shaming and trying to fit people into a certain measurement. Don’t tell me that this is how my body is supposed to look.

However, this isn’t to say that I am against people advising an overweight person to watch their weight or even shed a few kilos. Of course, health is a major concern and if your weight is affecting that then obviously action has to be taken. But that doesn’t mean towering over him/her and reiterating the same thing over and over again until the point he/she feels bad him/herself. If you are perfectly healthy and happy, then why pressurize them? Just because you don’t like looking at a few extra pounds of skin, doesn’t mean that you have to put that person down. That’s wrong and no one gave you the right do so. No one is perfect.

There is a constant fear of walking out and fearing that the public eye is going to stare you down just because some clothes don’t suit your body shape. What I have learnt from the past years is that self-confidence has to start from home. If your own family is constantly putting you down just because you have a couple of extra pounds of skin, then what’s to say everyone else won’t?  Being comfortable in your own skin starts from the family. People of your household have no right to tell you that you don’t look good just because you are fat. As long as a person is healthy and happy, who cares what you look like? Your shape, size, complexion and any other physical factors are irrelevant. They are not even secondary. They shouldn’t ever matter.

Confidence is one thing that is really affected by your physical appearance. Sure, many people (mainly the ones deemed “pretty” by society) try to deny the fact but sadly, reality is not so. From my experience, I have never been confident around other people. I have never made friends or mingled with others easily. The first day at a new place (school for example) is a complete nervous breakdown for me. Riddled with questions like “What if no one likes me?” “What if I am left all alone?” “What if they don’t want to talk to me because I am fat?", I am just a complete nervous wreck. It just spirals downwards from there. Overcoming these insecurities is difficult. Especially when you are starting out in a new environment. However, it is only difficult but not impossible.

The first step to confidence, is to love yourself. You might be fat, but how does that stop you from being happy? Yes, you are fat, but so what? How does that stop you from doing what you want and being who you want to be? Having the ability to love yourself is what eliminates any toxic feelings or insecurities and is what paves a path to happy environment. Accept yourself for who you are and stop comparing yourself to other people. Nobody is perfect. And most importantly, stop caring so much about others’ opinions of you. Anyone with a mind and mouth will have an opinion on anything and everything. Surround yourself with people who like you and people who motivate you to like yourself for who you are. Embrace your body and like yourself for who you are. It all gets better from there.

-- V

 * I am not rude, I am outspoken.