This is an open letter to all of the people in the world who
spread so much negative energy. From bullies to gossiping and criticizing
aunties. Those who find a problem for every solution. Those fakers who act like
they like you but then bitch about you behind your back. This one is for all of
you. :)
Dear haters,
I am sure there are many people who want to say
many things to you. Sadly, these people lacked the courage to speak their
minds. And maybe that’s a result of your comments and taunts. You may not have
realized how your thoughtless comments affect others when you first utter them.
But these said comments sometimes do have a very significant impact on your
victims’ minds. More often than not seemingly insignificant remarks can go onto
have very adverse and long-term effects on the mind. It Lowers self-confidence. More anxiety. More
insecurities. Bullies are the most evident haters that I can think of. Being bullied teaches you
that you are undesirable – i.e. that you don’t belong and you don’t fit in. By
virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe
that these things the bullies are saying about you are true. It would be great
if the average person was possessed of unshakable self-confidence, but this
just isn't how identity works.
I feel like all bullies have an endless repertoire of things
they can use to rag people with. Calling people fat. Calling them skinny.
Critiquing appearance (skin condition, colour) such as acist slurs. Inevitably, it is the sensitive kids who get singled
out for teasing; the kids who cry easily; the kids who prefer to be alone than
with the wrong company; the “geeks”; “the nerds”. It disgusts me to no end as
to how stereotypes are taken so seriously by these haters. Just because you
like comics that doesn’t make you a raging fanboy/girl who won’t talk about
anything else. Just because you have glasses, doesn’t mean you are a scrawny
nerd. And just because you are a nerd, doesn’t make you “uncool”. In fact –
nerds are some of the “coolest” most passionate people in the world. It would
do us so much good if we put aside our petty
differences and judgements and actually embraced them. No one has the right to
taunt or hate on another person because of his/her hobbies, interests,
sexuality, race, religion, beliefs and/or appearance. There is no such thing as
wrong size, wrong face, wrong skin color or even wrong personality.
Despite all of your intentions, I know that you (like
everything else in this world) have a purpose. I want to thank you for teaching
me a few things. Thank you for making me realize that loving myself for who I
am is more important than fearing your opinions. Thank you for making me
realize that I need not give a shit about anyone’s negative opinions of me. I
know me more than you know me. We all have our insecurities and
vulnerabilities. Plus, we’re only human. We don’t need to get it together every
minute of the day. Everyone has bad days, right? And through those bad days I
found out that it is up to me to recognize those few genuine people who love
me. Over time, I have come to understand that the quality of my friends is so
much more important than the quantity of the same. Those few people are the
ones that are worth it all. Just like that I say thank you for being
my greatest teachers about the power of words. Because of your words I choose
mine carefully. Thank you for teaching me, though it has taken me years to
learn, that just because someone says something about me does not make it true.
Learning not to give a shit about people’s opinions of
you is tough. It may sound surprising to the carefree and nonchalant people out
there but it is true. As someone who suffers from social anxiety, I find
it difficult to explain why that is so. My brain goes into haywire mode and I
end up overthinking and over analyzing every little remark. This leads to
insecurity and it is a downhill spiral from there. Once or twice is tolerable.
Anyone can understand a joke or a tease but saying it repeatedly makes us think
what if it is actually true? You can say why do you care? Well of course I
care! It is me you are talking about! I have self-respect and I care about my
self-esteem. You can’t expect us to brush it off or take it lightly once it has
already lowered our self-confidence. But now I know better. I don’t need to
care about what you say about me to me or whoever. It is a slow process but I
am learning that loving myself is more important than fearing your opinions of
me. It takes time but I know that I can overcome my insecurities.
You have to realize by now that your thoughtless actions
show your true colors and not mine. It shows how sad, petty, hateful and maybe
even jealous you are. There is a thin line between joking around and actually
being rude. The limits exist and what may seem funny to you may not be on the
humorous side for me at all. I really wouldn’t know what turned you into a
hater or what past experiences made you be like this. But I hope to god that
he/she gives you the strength to overcome whatever the negative feelings you
are feeling. At least for your victims’ sake if not for your well-being. I
advise you change your attitude before it is too late. Before your cunning
attitude affects or even ruins your future relationships. Before you can’t go
back and before you lose something dear to you. There is absolutely nothing to
gain from being spiteful and hateful. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Think before you
speak because the saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words
will never hurt me” is not really true.
Sincerely,
A victim
- -- V
* *I am not rude. I am outspoken.
