Be unique

All your friends think gay marriage is wrong, but you don't. Does this mean you are different, that your perspective is wrong? 
Your family is very conservative and believes in a particular religion and a particular God. In your opinion, God is fictional and doesn't exist. Is your belief not right?
While you get many good job opportunities with a high salary, you choose a job in a small company, which is located in the outskirts of the city, just because you think the work pressure will be minimal. Your family isn't happy with your choice and think you won't be happy with this position for long. Was your choice wrong?
The answer to all these questions in NO. Your perspective isn't wrong, your belief isn't wrong and your choice isn't wrong. There is nothing such as right or wrong. Everything in this world is relative. It is okay to think differently and to be different. It doesn't mean you are wrong, it means you are unique. Uniqueness is an excellent quality, which will help you succeed in life. 

Do you think Einstein would have become famous if he had the same ideas as the previous scientists in his field? No, his theory became famous because it was new and unique. All the inventions and technology wouldn't have happened if is wasn't for the inventor's individual idea and fantasy. 
Siddhartha Gautama's distinctive way of looking at life lead to a whole new religion: Buddhism.
It was Mother Teresa's special character, which made her sacrifice her entire life to help others, which lead to the organization Missionaries of Charity.

I'm not saying that all unique people will be world-famous and invent something. What I'm saying is, uniqueness will help you achieve your life goal and to be happy. It will help you find and accomplish the purpose of your life. Don't push away your uniqueness, just because society thinks it is “wrong”. In my opinion, the word “wrong” should not exist at all, because there is no justification to that word. 

The majority of us (in India) have been taught to go with the flow, but to be unique at the same time. What an irony. All your life you family and friends have specific expectations from you, which may not allow your true self to show itself. Not many of us have the power to make important choices in our lives at an early age. Many of you can't choose which school you want to go to, which syllabus you want to take, which subjects you want to choose, what extra skills and activities you want to undertake, or which course to attend in college. You are forced to do many things because the majority of the society does the same. If this is the case how can your parents expect you to be unique? Is that even possible if all your choices are made for you? No. This is why all decisions concerning a child or a teenager must be made only taking the child's selection and wish into consideration. 

You should stand up for your belief and for your perspective. That doesn't make you stubborn, it makes you persistent and strong-willed. No one should be forced into believing in a belief-system. They should be able to take their time and form their own opinion on the topic religion and God. Besides, it is not the religion or the God which you believe in, that matters. It is only your faith which makes a difference.

Go and shout out to all narrow-minded people, who blindly follow every social norm: Unique is good!
Don't allow your true identity to be oppressed by social expectations and norms. Even when your family convinces you that you are wrong, don't believe it. You aren't wrong, you are unique. 

Sexual orientation is another topic which is taboo in conservative homes. Being gay is not at all respected as an option. It is atrocious to bring up that topic in a conservative family. Many homosexual people suffer because of the narrow-mindedness of our society. Because of this, many of them look at themselves in a negative manner and have difficulties with accepting their identities, since it is “wrong”. What many of us don't understand or rather what we don't want to accept is that homosexual people aren't responsible for the way the feel about their own gender. It is something natural.

For everyone out there, who thinks homosexuality is not appropriate or “wrong”, remember that it is just your opinion and that you have no right to judge a person because of their sexual identity. 

In our society, girl often have to behave in a specific way, do certain things and avoid particular activities. I believe this is because our female ancestors didn't have exposure to many activities which are considered boyish. Girls can't dress in jeans and Tees, do lots of physical work or even work out a lot. Some people find girls with well-defined muscles disgusting or too manly. Girls have so many restrictions at wherever they go. Aren't you tired of hearing “Sit with your legs closed.” or “Don't be out late.” or “Don't talk to boys.” or “Don't wear tight clothes.”? Do you think others have the right to decide how you should behave? I think you yourself should be the judge of it. 

Even though all the restrictions mentioned above may seem very trivial, they do make a difference. All these little things together make up who you are. You shouldn't be told how to sit, dress or just how to behave by anyone. You should decide that, because that's who you are. 

Don't be afraid of “what others would say”. It absolutely doesn't matter. In the end all that counts is your happiness. Stand up for it, be yourself. Think differently. Create. Be unique.

-- R
* I'm not rude, I'm outspoken.

Being Confident

Ever since I was an infant, I have always been chubby and overweight. Sure, it was cute and adorable when I was a toddler, but sometimes, it is nothing but uncomfortable as an teenager. For many years I felt like the problem was within me. Like I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough to buy cute sleeveless tops or skirts that reached my knees. I would feel really bad whenever I went shopping, seeing the other slimmer and fitter girls getting to try on clothes that I so badly wanted to wear. However, most of the time, I would get over it soon and ensure myself that I look fine the way I am and that there is nothing wrong with being a little bit overweight.

I think the biggest problem with being overweight is not internal, but external. When one is fat one is almost never confident or even comfortable in his/her own skin. Being constantly told by those around you to stop wearing tight clothes or to wear bottoms that cover your entire lower body just so that your chunky thighs aren’t seen, doesn’t exactly add to your self-esteem. There have even been times when my people told me not to wear a sleeveless top just because my arms are visible along with my stretch marks. Very rarely have I worn clothes, looked in the mirror and thought to myself ‘I look good! This suits me!’. Sadly, even when it happens, that confidence and gaiety doesn’t last for long. Soon I would start thinking, ‘I will never be like that… I am always going to look heavier than most people.’ This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you have been told for the longest time, that there is (seemingly) something wrong with your body. You tend to spend most of the day feeling self-conscious and wary of what the people around you are going to think of how you look and how you carry yourself.

Then come the dietary warnings. “You should lay off ice cream and paneer completely”. “Stop buying chocolates”. “You want to bake? Go on, eat cakes and get even fatter. *note: sarcasm*” Saying things like ‘stop eating that, you are already fat’ or ‘don’t wear that, it really emphasizes the size of your belly’ are not only rude but also embarrassing. Why does everyone make it seem like there is a problem with your appearance just because you are fat? Why does that even matter? Don’t they realize that these people draw even more attention to overweight people by commenting on them than they do by just wearing or even doing whatever they want?

Even when I started going to the gym, my trainer would constantly tell me that we would have to work to lose a lot of weight because I am (no surprises for guessing) overweight by several kilos. Being reminded on a regular basis, that you are not in a statistically healthy position really does get to you. Of course I know that I am fat. AS if I didn’t know that until you told me. AS if I forgot about it. What really demotivates a fat person is not the fact that they are fat but the fact that they are constantly reminded of it as if it is a sin. As if it is their fault. As if it is something they chose to be. Before you judge me or tell me what to do, make sure that you are perfect. You call me fat – you are wrong. I am not fat, I have fat. 

Another major problem with today’s generation is the constant pressure the media projects by setting standards for how a woman/girl should look – especially her weight and body shape. Stop trying to force people into specific body images influenced by the media’s idealistic and absurd expectations. Stop fat shaming and trying to fit people into a certain measurement. Don’t tell me that this is how my body is supposed to look.

However, this isn’t to say that I am against people advising an overweight person to watch their weight or even shed a few kilos. Of course, health is a major concern and if your weight is affecting that then obviously action has to be taken. But that doesn’t mean towering over him/her and reiterating the same thing over and over again until the point he/she feels bad him/herself. If you are perfectly healthy and happy, then why pressurize them? Just because you don’t like looking at a few extra pounds of skin, doesn’t mean that you have to put that person down. That’s wrong and no one gave you the right do so. No one is perfect.

There is a constant fear of walking out and fearing that the public eye is going to stare you down just because some clothes don’t suit your body shape. What I have learnt from the past years is that self-confidence has to start from home. If your own family is constantly putting you down just because you have a couple of extra pounds of skin, then what’s to say everyone else won’t?  Being comfortable in your own skin starts from the family. People of your household have no right to tell you that you don’t look good just because you are fat. As long as a person is healthy and happy, who cares what you look like? Your shape, size, complexion and any other physical factors are irrelevant. They are not even secondary. They shouldn’t ever matter.

Confidence is one thing that is really affected by your physical appearance. Sure, many people (mainly the ones deemed “pretty” by society) try to deny the fact but sadly, reality is not so. From my experience, I have never been confident around other people. I have never made friends or mingled with others easily. The first day at a new place (school for example) is a complete nervous breakdown for me. Riddled with questions like “What if no one likes me?” “What if I am left all alone?” “What if they don’t want to talk to me because I am fat?", I am just a complete nervous wreck. It just spirals downwards from there. Overcoming these insecurities is difficult. Especially when you are starting out in a new environment. However, it is only difficult but not impossible.

The first step to confidence, is to love yourself. You might be fat, but how does that stop you from being happy? Yes, you are fat, but so what? How does that stop you from doing what you want and being who you want to be? Having the ability to love yourself is what eliminates any toxic feelings or insecurities and is what paves a path to happy environment. Accept yourself for who you are and stop comparing yourself to other people. Nobody is perfect. And most importantly, stop caring so much about others’ opinions of you. Anyone with a mind and mouth will have an opinion on anything and everything. Surround yourself with people who like you and people who motivate you to like yourself for who you are. Embrace your body and like yourself for who you are. It all gets better from there.

-- V

 * I am not rude, I am outspoken.

About Us

Hi everyone! 

Welcome and thank you for visiting our blogging page!

Have you ever had opinions on certain topics and not known how to express them? Have you ever not fully comprehended what it means to be a feminist? Have you ever been frustrated with how society works? Do you think everything in the world is relative? Do you ask a lot of questions?

If your answer is yes, then you know our basic thought process. In this blog, we will be writing about topics we have pondered about endlessly, the issues we are conflicted about and things that we want answers to.

Our objective of this blog is to become more open-minded and to create awareness about often misinterpreted issues. We also want to develop our writing skills and ability to communicate and express our thoughts properly.

We hope your experience on this blog is enriching and fulfilling. We hope you are enlightened and inspired. J

Warm regards,

V and R

Disclaimer: In this age of social media, where every issue is unnecessarily exaggerated, our intent is NOT TO OFFEND any person, religion, culture, tradition, relationship, opinion, ideology or morals. This blog mainly comprises of OUR personal thoughts and viewpoints. We hope you don’t misunderstand us.