An Open Letter to All My Haters

This is an open letter to all of the people in the world who spread so much negative energy. From bullies to gossiping and criticizing aunties. Those who find a problem for every solution. Those fakers who act like they like you but then bitch about you behind your back. This one is for all of you. :)

Dear haters,

I am sure there are many people who want to say many things to you. Sadly, these people lacked the courage to speak their minds. And maybe that’s a result of your comments and taunts. You may not have realized how your thoughtless comments affect others when you first utter them. But these said comments sometimes do have a very significant impact on your victims’ minds. More often than not seemingly insignificant remarks can go onto have very adverse and long-term effects on the mind.  It Lowers self-confidence. More anxiety. More insecurities. Bullies are the most evident haters that I can think of. Being bullied teaches you that you are undesirable – i.e. that you don’t belong and you don’t fit in. By virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe that these things the bullies are saying about you are true. It would be great if the average person was possessed of unshakable self-confidence, but this just isn't how identity works.

I feel like all bullies have an endless repertoire of things they can use to rag people with. Calling people fat. Calling them skinny. Critiquing appearance (skin condition, colour) such as acist slurs. Inevitably, it is the sensitive kids who get singled out for teasing; the kids who cry easily; the kids who prefer to be alone than with the wrong company; the “geeks”; “the nerds”. It disgusts me to no end as to how stereotypes are taken so seriously by these haters. Just because you like comics that doesn’t make you a raging fanboy/girl who won’t talk about anything else. Just because you have glasses, doesn’t mean you are a scrawny nerd. And just because you are a nerd, doesn’t make you “uncool”. In fact – nerds are some of the “coolest” most passionate people in the world. It would do us so much good if we put aside our petty differences and judgements and actually embraced them. No one has the right to taunt or hate on another person because of his/her hobbies, interests, sexuality, race, religion, beliefs and/or appearance. There is no such thing as wrong size, wrong face, wrong skin color or even wrong personality.

Despite all of your intentions, I know that you (like everything else in this world) have a purpose. I want to thank you for teaching me a few things. Thank you for making me realize that loving myself for who I am is more important than fearing your opinions. Thank you for making me realize that I need not give a shit about anyone’s negative opinions of me. I know me more than you know me. We all have our insecurities and vulnerabilities. Plus, we’re only human. We don’t need to get it together every minute of the day. Everyone has bad days, right? And through those bad days I found out that it is up to me to recognize those few genuine people who love me. Over time, I have come to understand that the quality of my friends is so much more important than the quantity of the same. Those few people are the ones that are worth it all. Just like that I say thank you for being my greatest teachers about the power of words. Because of your words I choose mine carefully. Thank you for teaching me, though it has taken me years to learn, that just because someone says something about me does not make it true.

Learning not to give a shit about people’s opinions of you is tough. It may sound surprising to the carefree and nonchalant people out there but it is true. As someone who suffers from social anxiety, I find it difficult to explain why that is so. My brain goes into haywire mode and I end up overthinking and over analyzing every little remark. This leads to insecurity and it is a downhill spiral from there. Once or twice is tolerable. Anyone can understand a joke or a tease but saying it repeatedly makes us think what if it is actually true? You can say why do you care? Well of course I care! It is me you are talking about! I have self-respect and I care about my self-esteem. You can’t expect us to brush it off or take it lightly once it has already lowered our self-confidence. But now I know better. I don’t need to care about what you say about me to me or whoever. It is a slow process but I am learning that loving myself is more important than fearing your opinions of me. It takes time but I know that I can overcome my insecurities.

You have to realize by now that your thoughtless actions show your true colors and not mine. It shows how sad, petty, hateful and maybe even jealous you are. There is a thin line between joking around and actually being rude. The limits exist and what may seem funny to you may not be on the humorous side for me at all. I really wouldn’t know what turned you into a hater or what past experiences made you be like this. But I hope to god that he/she gives you the strength to overcome whatever the negative feelings you are feeling. At least for your victims’ sake if not for your well-being. I advise you change your attitude before it is too late. Before your cunning attitude affects or even ruins your future relationships. Before you can’t go back and before you lose something dear to you. There is absolutely nothing to gain from being spiteful and hateful. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Think before you speak because the saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is not really true.

Sincerely,

A victim

-         -- V 

*       *I am not rude. I am outspoken.